Showing Some Love For "Sleepwalk With Me"

This past weekend I went to see Sleepwalk With Me in theaters, it's the film debut of comedian Mike Birbiglia who wrote, starred in and directed the movie. It's an adaptation of Birbiglia's one man show of the same name. The basic plot is a struggling comedian, Matt Pandamiglio, is in a long term relationship with a woman named Abby; they have been together for a long time and pressure begins to build for them to get married. Abby is ready and willing to go there, Matt is not. As his career in stand-up comedy begins to take off, the stress he feels from his relationship causes him to start walking in his sleep. The movie follows Matt as he tries to ignore both the problem of his sleep disorder and his disordered relationship.

Let me begin by saying that I loved this movie. I've been a fan of Mike Birbiglia for as long as I can remember; I couldn't wait to see his first adventure in film-making and Sleepwalk did not disappoint. The first time I heard a recording of the show Sleepwalk With Me, I was expecting just more of the jokes I loved, instead it was a collection of true (and sometimes painful) stories from his life but it still had me laughing the whole way through. The movie definitely achieved the same effect, it told the same true story with a few necessary tweaks. It was funny, relatable and moving.

But a few people did not agree with me. I found two articles from women who felt that the movie was offensive to women. Wendy Widom posted "Why Sleepwalk With Me is a Woman's Worst Nightmare" through the Huffington Post and Jenna Sauers posted an article on Jezebel, "Sleepwalk With Me's Marriage Problem". Now, I have a very sensitive feminist alarm, so when someone finds sexism where I don't, I am always fascinated. I don't want to dismiss the concerns brought up by these articles (especially because I love both of these sites) but after spending a lot of time thinking about why I wasn't offended I decided to share my opposing viewpoint and tell you a little more about why I think this movie is worth seeing.

Both Widom and Sauers take issue with the fact that the movie features stereotypical gender roles. Sauers claims that "In Sleepwalk With Me, the notion that women are all the same under the skin - that all women, deep down, see actualization in marriage and babies... is never so clearly expressed." Because this movie was based on Birbiglia's experiences I don't want to fault him for telling his own story. But, more importantly, I think that Abby's character was a believable and fair portrayal of a woman who happens to want to get married and start a family. I would have been upset if the film implied that women were supposed to get married or that they were evil for trying to get an innocent guy to commit, but it just seemed to be what she wanted. SPOILER ALERT: It would have been horrible if the movie had followed traditional romantic comedies and Matt had continued to stifle his reluctance, married her and they'd tried to pass that off as a happy ending. But instead, Matt broke off the wedding and Abby's reaction wasn't to fall apart and cry, "Oh god, my life is over." or yell, "You bastard! How could you do this to me?!" Her reaction was, "You're right. We shouldn't be getting married." Then she goes off and finds someone who could give her what she wanted. I think that's a pretty awesome way for Abby's story to end. END OF SPOILER

In Widom's post she conflates Sleepwalk With Me with the films of Judd Apatow and Seth Rogen. She describes it as "another Awesome Girl Is Desperate To Get Married and Her Pathetic and Unworthy Boyfriend Is On The Proverbial Fence story". Now, I am also deeply bothered by the "slacker-striver" comedies that Widom compares to Sleepwalk, but I think Birbiglia sets himself apart by turning a critical eye on himself. The film is narrated by Matt looking back on his own past. When Past-Matt is messing up, Future-Matt let's us know (in small and funny ways) that he knows he messed up, (usually by looking directly at the audience and saying,"I know!"). In the films that Widom mentions male protagonists are rewarded for making dumb decisions, whereas Matt gets into more trouble. I don't care if a protagonist in a movie makes mistakes (it would be hard to create a believable character without them), so long as they are portrayed as mistakes. And in my opinion Mike Birbiglia tows the line perfectly. 

I don't think that Sleepwalk With Me is a feminist movie by a long shot, but I don't think every movie needs to be. What I do firmly believe that every movie has to be fair women. I agree wholeheartedly that there is a lack of stories about women, made by women and that have messages that empower women (that's why I started this blog). But just because this movie isn't about a woman doesn't mean that it isn't a powerful story that is worth telling. The message I took away from the film, that I think everyone can relate to, was all about denial. Matt is constantly trying to ignore his problems rather than face a conflict, which leads to some catastrophic events in his life. This movie was a charming and original way to show people's tendency to avoid the hard issues in life. I found it touching and thoroughly enjoyable. So go see it and tell me if you think I'm wrong!

And if I can't convince you... 

 

How a kid's show made a fangirl out of this feminist:

After my last post, where I raved against the franchise I hate the most, I wanted to follow up by praising a franchise I love. Many of you may not have heard of the show Avatar: The Last Airbender (or you might think it has something to do with blue people on the planet Pandora), but let me tell you, it's a must see. Some people look at me funny when I say that, "Isn't that a kid's show?" they ask. Yes, it's a children's show that premiered on Nickelodeon in 2005. I put off watching the show for years for that very reason. But one friend persisted and got me to sit down and watch. At first my reaction was positive but unenthusiastic, "It's good... for a kid's show." But by the middle of season two I was literally yelling at my television, rooting for "Team Avatar" and now I often site it as my favorite television show (high praise- believe me). 

Now that I have watched the show several times in it's entirety, I've concluded that it's being meant for children is part of what makes it so great. In addition to being an enjoyable show it's jam-packed with great messages for kids. 

The show is set in a mythical world where there are four nations: Water, Earth, Fire and Air. In each nation there are benders; people who are able to control an element and they use this power as a martial art. There is one person in the world who is able to control all four elements, called the Avatar, who acts as a spiritual mediator between the four nations. The story takes place in the midst of a war between the Fire Nation and the other nations. The Avatar has been absent for one hundred years and is found frozen in an iceberg by a brother and sister from the Southern Water Tribe (Sokka and Katara). Aang (the Avatar) is a young boy who was born an airbender and has yet to master the other three elements. The story follows the three children as they travel the world, gaining the skills necessary for them to defeat the Fire Lord and end the war. 

It's a very well-crafted hero quest that is compelling to watch the whole way through. There are a million reasons why I love the show: the artistry involved in creating the mythological world, the excitement and careful thought put into every action sequence, the humor that perfectly caters to both children and adults, and the believable and loveable characters. 

But enough about why I think the show is good, why I am writing about it on this blog? This is a feminist show if ever I saw one and the best part is -- this show is targeted at boys!

The more I examine film and television for gender biases, the more I notice shows directed towards women and girls are headed in a good direction. More and more shows targeted at women feature strong women with dynamic personalities and goals beyond landing a boyfriend. But shows that are targeted to men and boys... not so much. Women in these shows are rarely portrayed as anything other than plot devices at the best of times. So when I saw a show for boys that not only features strong females as more than the object of a male's desire, but addresses sexism head on, you can bet I was over the freaking moon!

In the very first episode the subject of sexism is addressed almost as soon as we meet Sokka and Katara. The pair are out on a fishing trip and Sokka makes a comment, "I knew I should have left you at home. Leave it to a girl to screw things up." A lot of shows would let a comment like this slide but Katara wastes no time in calling him out, "You are the most sexist, immature, nut-brained -- ugh! I'm embarrassed to be related to you!" It's a brief moment that takes a comment children might hear on a playground and lets them know, those comments are not cool.

One of my favorite episodes is The Warriors of Kyoshi, which takes place early in the first season. In this episode, Sokka does some serious development with regards to his treatment of women. A character named Suki is introduced; she is the leader of the Kyoshi Warriors, a group of female fighters. It opens with Katara, Sokka and Aang getting captured by the Kyoshi Warriors, but once the people of Kyoshi Island find out that Aang is the Avatar they release them and treat them as honored guests. However, Sokka has a hard time gracefully accepting the fact that a group of girls were able to, in Katara's words, "kick [his] butt". He tries puff himself up by belittling the warriors: calling their combat class a "dance class" and saying, "... normally I'd hold a grudge, but seeing as you guys are a bunch of girls, I'll make an exception." This leads to a sparring match between him and Suki, which she easily dominates. Then Sokka has an amazing breakthrough; he goes to the warriors, asks for forgiveness and begs them to teach him how to fight. Suki then agrees to teach him under the condition that he follow all their traditions, including wearing their uniform, which happens to be a dress and makeup. Once Sokka is dressed in drag there are moments of comedy, when the kids watching are allowed to laugh at Sokka wearing a dress, but the overall message is clear: There is nothing shameful or weak in acting like a girl.  

Throughout the entire series gender equality remains a constant theme, and by creating a exciting and fun story to package these messages, the show succeeded in appealing to both boys and girls (and, as it happens, some adults). I am so thankful that there is a show out there featuring boys who have relationships with girls that extend beyond the superficial attraction we usually see. Avatar portrays girls as full characters that are friends, teachers and even, on occasion, competition. I know that this one show cannot combat all the other sources of gender stereotyping, but oh wouldn't it be great if it could? This is another instance when I could create an entire blog just to talk about one franchise. So I will just say, if you haven't watched the show, give it a shot. Show your children. 

Let's get this over with...

I decided to make my first post about this series because without it this blog wouldn't exist. It's what took me from, "Gee, sometimes movies are sexist and that makes me mad." to "Oh my god! Something is wrong in our culture and I'm so upset about it that I've gotta write about it and post it on the Internet!"

Basically, this feminist hates Twilight. I know, you're shocked.

Frankly, I think the whole series is a collection of sexist stereotypes that are being marketed to teenage girls as romance. I have had some debates with friends who have argued that all the points I find objectionable can be justified by the fantastical nature of the stories. But the fact that it's a fantasy series with vampires and werewolves serves as a flimsy excuse for the unhealthy behaviors exhibited by the characters. The parallels between Bella's "romances" and  abuse in the real world are shocking. 

In order to get my thoughts about the series done in one post I am picking one element to write about from each part of the series (otherwise I'd have to create a new blog just to whine about Twilight).

Twilight

The first part of the series is a pretty typical vampire love story. Girl meets Vampire, Vampire tells Girl that he really wants to kill her but won't because he's also really in love with her, Girl decides she's really in love with him too and, despite his history as a murderer, chooses to trust him anyway. While talking about the first part of the series, I'm going to focus on the main vampire in the story, Edward.

Edward is abusive. This statement has nothing to do with his being a vampire. This may seem a little odd for those who haven't read the books or seen the movie, because a lot of feminists find the very idea of vampires disturbing; considering that they are characters that embody romance, sexuality and violence all in one. A love interest that is constantly fighting the urge to kill you... definitely problematic. 

But leaving Edward's unholy appetite for human blood aside, my feminist alarm started going off when I read this passage from the first book. It takes place before Bella discovers Edward's secret and before they've started dating. Their science class has just done a lab where they prick their own fingers to find out their blood type. Bella gets sick at the sight of blood and Edward insists on seeing her home: 

We were near the parking lot now. I veered left, toward my truck. Something caught my jacket yanking me back.

“Where do you think you’re going?” he asked, outraged. He was gripping a fistful of my jacket in one hand.

I was confused, “I’m going home.”

“Didn’t you hear me promise to take you safely home? Do you think I’m going to let you drive in your condition?” His voice was still indignant.

“What condition? And what about my truck?” I complained.

“I’ll have Alice drop it off after school.” He was towing me toward his car now, pulling me by my jacket. It was all I could do to keep from falling backward. He’d probably just drag me along anyway if I did.

“Let go!” I insisted. He ignored me. I staggered along sideways across the wet sidewalk until we reached the Volvo. Then he finally freed me –I stumbled against the passenger door.

“You are so pushy!” I grumbled.

“It’s open,” was all he responded. He got in the driver’s side.

“I am perfectly capable of driving myself home!” I stood by the car, fuming. It was raining harder now, and I’d never put my hood up, so my hair was dripping down my back.

He lowered the automatic window and leaned toward me across the seat. “Get in, Bella.”

I didn’t answer. I was mentally calculating my chances of reaching the truck before he could catch me. I had to admit, they weren’t good.

“I’ll just drag you back,” he threatened, guessing my plan.

I tried to maintain what dignity I could as I got into his car.

And this is supposed to be a budding romance?! To me, this seems like a jerk talking to a teenage girl like she's an unruly three-year-old and dragging her across a parking lot. Now, call me crazy, but if this really were an attempt to help Bella by driving her home when she is unwell, rather than an attempt to assert dominance, couldn't he have just asked to drive her home?

I wish this were a rare and extreme example of Edward's misogynistic behavior, but you could open to almost any page and see something similar or worse. Throughout the film, his tone is always domineering and often threatening. In the beginning of their relationship, Edward follows Bella and sneaks into her room at night (in other words, he stalks her). Some fans might miss some of these disturbing actions because Stephanie Meyer uses the common technique of dismissing this behavior by distracting the audience with a more obvious threat. For example, when it's revealed that Edward has followed Bella, it's because he steps in to save her from a gang harassing her. This creates a perception of Edward as the good guy and excuses his controlling behavior.

Last time I checked, becoming a vampire didn't come with the uncontrollable urge to watch teenage girls while they sleep. So while it's true that vampires don't exist in the real world and chances are the young girls reading Twilight will never have to worry about a guy sucking all the blood out of their body, what does exist in the real world are really pretty guys that will treat girls like crap.

I'd like to leave Twilight with a video of "Buffy vs. Edward." And I highly recommend checking out the creator's post on WIMN, about why he decided to make the video. 

 New Moon

Twilight ends with things going well for the young lovers, but in New Moon Edward decides to get Bella away from the danger of dating a vampire by dumping her and leaving town. So in part two I am going to discuss the 100% human, Bella.

She's possibly the worst female protagonist I've ever seen.

It's a pretty common character trait for women in pop culture to have low self-esteem, but with Bella, self-deprecation drips off of every page. What little confidence she has is entirely dependent on her boyfriend. Again, common in female characters, but harmful because it socializes women that if they are unwanted by a man they are worthless. In New Moon, Bella shows us just how damaging this mindset can be when Edward disappears and she literally doesn't move for three months because she's so depressed. (Think I'm exaggerating? See the movie.) And what do you think finally pulls her out of her crippling depression? You guessed it. A boy! 

Well, a boy and becoming an adrenaline junky. One night her father convinces her to go to a movie with her friend, Jessica. On their way home Bella notices a group of scary bikers. The fear that she feels while walking toward them cause her to have a hallucination of Edward warning her to stay away. She thinks, "That's awesome!" ditches her friend, and jumps on the back of some strange guy's motorcycle. She then goes on to do a lot of other really dangerous stuff all in the hopes of her ex-boyfriend appearing and bossing her around. The only justification given is her voice over, "Maybe I'm crazy now and I guess that's okay. If a rush of danger is what it takes to see him then that's what I'll find." It's on this quest for danger that she develops a relationship with Jacob; a teenage boy who we soon discover is a werewolf. It's only after she latches onto another male that she becomes "almost healed." Jacob and his pack open up a hole other can of worms in terms of abuse and misogyny, but I promised I'd only talk about one thing that makes me mad for each book so let's just stick with Bella.

It frustrates me that such a popular female character that is written by a woman and being seen by so many young girls, is such an extreme embodiment of the stereotype that a woman is nothing without a man. She is so lost at the points in the story when she doesn't have Edward or Jacob to rely on that she finds literally no meaning in her life.

Before I finish with New Moon I would like to post an opposing view point arguing that Bella is a feminist character. It comes from Mendelson's Memos and a post titled Question of the Day: Why Isn't Bella Swan a Feminist Creation? As stated in my first post, I want to start discussions in the midst of expressing my own opinions. What do you think about my take on Bella verses the take of Scott Mendelson?

Eclipse 

In Eclipse Bella's love life gets a little more complicated. Edward and Bella get back together before the end of New Moon, Edward proposes but Bella refuses to answer due to her distaste for marriage. Jacob is pissed that she took him back and she's caught between two dudes desperately trying to mark their territory. For part three, I am going to show the lack of respect that both Edward and Jacob give to Bella with regards to her sexual agency.

Since I haven’t said much about the character of Jacob much yet, I’d like to share her reaction to Jacob’s first attempt to kiss her. Despite Bella’s protests he forces a kiss, or what I would call assault. Here is her reaction from the book (but I must preface this with a POSSIBLE TRIGGER WARNING):

            I grabbed at his face, trying to push it away, failing again. He seemed to notice this time though, and it aggravated him. His lips forced mine open, and I could feel his hot breath in my mouth.

            Acting on instinct, I let my hands drop to my side, and shut down. I opened my eyes and didn’t fight, didn’t feel… just waited for him to stop.

She then demonstrates a small amount of fight, punching him in the face. (Unfortunately, all this does is break her hand.) I was relieved that Bella’s reaction was anger, and I thought his actions were going to be dealt with for what they were, assault. However, she forgives him after a couple chapters and confesses her love for him by the end of the book, resulting in a passionate kiss. And to add insult to injury here is Edward’s response to Jacob when he hears about the kiss and Bella's broken hand:

            “…if you ever bring her back damaged again –and I don’t care whose fault it is; I don’t care if she merely trips, or if a meteor falls out of the sky and hits her in the head –if you return her to me in less than the perfect condition that I left her in, you will be running with three legs.”

Now this might be a nice sentiment (or, at least , an understandable one) if he could say it without making her sound like a used car, rather than a person who is standing right there. 

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But neither of the men in her life are in the habit of treating her like a person capable of making her own decisions. Which brings me to the topic of Edward and Bella’s sex life… or lack thereof.

Throughout the series Bella establishes that she is ready and willing to get it on but Edward keeps putting on the breaks. At first, he claims that he might lose control and hurt her with his vampire strength in the heat of the moment, then it turns into his desire to “protect her virtue”. He wants to protect her soul from the sin of premarital sex and so he refuses to even consider sex before marriage (despite the fact that Bella hates the idea of getting married). As refreshing as it could be for a female protagonist to be honest and outspoken about her desire for sex, it is made pointless because she is with a guy who doesn’t allow her to explore that, and not because he is not interested in sex but because he wants control.

Breaking Dawn- Pt. One

I’m going to make this part short, because Breaking Dawn is just a repeat of all the problems I’ve already whined about only taken to an even more absurd degree. (Also, I figure I will have to write another post when Part Two is released in theaters.) I think this NPR review of the latest movie sums it up perfectly when they say, “…when a saga popular with pre-adolescent girls peaks romantically on a night that leaves the heroine to wake up covered with bruises in the shape of her husband's hands — and when that heroine then spends the morning explaining to her husband that she's incredibly happy even though he injured her, and that it's not his fault because she understands he couldn't help it in light of the depth of his passion — that's profoundly irresponsible.”

Basically, I’m trying to say that no matter how you slice it and no matter what fantastical circumstances get set up, the stuff that happens in The Twilight Saga is MESSED. UP.