Showing Some Love For "Sleepwalk With Me"

This past weekend I went to see Sleepwalk With Me in theaters, it's the film debut of comedian Mike Birbiglia who wrote, starred in and directed the movie. It's an adaptation of Birbiglia's one man show of the same name. The basic plot is a struggling comedian, Matt Pandamiglio, is in a long term relationship with a woman named Abby; they have been together for a long time and pressure begins to build for them to get married. Abby is ready and willing to go there, Matt is not. As his career in stand-up comedy begins to take off, the stress he feels from his relationship causes him to start walking in his sleep. The movie follows Matt as he tries to ignore both the problem of his sleep disorder and his disordered relationship.

Let me begin by saying that I loved this movie. I've been a fan of Mike Birbiglia for as long as I can remember; I couldn't wait to see his first adventure in film-making and Sleepwalk did not disappoint. The first time I heard a recording of the show Sleepwalk With Me, I was expecting just more of the jokes I loved, instead it was a collection of true (and sometimes painful) stories from his life but it still had me laughing the whole way through. The movie definitely achieved the same effect, it told the same true story with a few necessary tweaks. It was funny, relatable and moving.

But a few people did not agree with me. I found two articles from women who felt that the movie was offensive to women. Wendy Widom posted "Why Sleepwalk With Me is a Woman's Worst Nightmare" through the Huffington Post and Jenna Sauers posted an article on Jezebel, "Sleepwalk With Me's Marriage Problem". Now, I have a very sensitive feminist alarm, so when someone finds sexism where I don't, I am always fascinated. I don't want to dismiss the concerns brought up by these articles (especially because I love both of these sites) but after spending a lot of time thinking about why I wasn't offended I decided to share my opposing viewpoint and tell you a little more about why I think this movie is worth seeing.

Both Widom and Sauers take issue with the fact that the movie features stereotypical gender roles. Sauers claims that "In Sleepwalk With Me, the notion that women are all the same under the skin - that all women, deep down, see actualization in marriage and babies... is never so clearly expressed." Because this movie was based on Birbiglia's experiences I don't want to fault him for telling his own story. But, more importantly, I think that Abby's character was a believable and fair portrayal of a woman who happens to want to get married and start a family. I would have been upset if the film implied that women were supposed to get married or that they were evil for trying to get an innocent guy to commit, but it just seemed to be what she wanted. SPOILER ALERT: It would have been horrible if the movie had followed traditional romantic comedies and Matt had continued to stifle his reluctance, married her and they'd tried to pass that off as a happy ending. But instead, Matt broke off the wedding and Abby's reaction wasn't to fall apart and cry, "Oh god, my life is over." or yell, "You bastard! How could you do this to me?!" Her reaction was, "You're right. We shouldn't be getting married." Then she goes off and finds someone who could give her what she wanted. I think that's a pretty awesome way for Abby's story to end. END OF SPOILER

In Widom's post she conflates Sleepwalk With Me with the films of Judd Apatow and Seth Rogen. She describes it as "another Awesome Girl Is Desperate To Get Married and Her Pathetic and Unworthy Boyfriend Is On The Proverbial Fence story". Now, I am also deeply bothered by the "slacker-striver" comedies that Widom compares to Sleepwalk, but I think Birbiglia sets himself apart by turning a critical eye on himself. The film is narrated by Matt looking back on his own past. When Past-Matt is messing up, Future-Matt let's us know (in small and funny ways) that he knows he messed up, (usually by looking directly at the audience and saying,"I know!"). In the films that Widom mentions male protagonists are rewarded for making dumb decisions, whereas Matt gets into more trouble. I don't care if a protagonist in a movie makes mistakes (it would be hard to create a believable character without them), so long as they are portrayed as mistakes. And in my opinion Mike Birbiglia tows the line perfectly. 

I don't think that Sleepwalk With Me is a feminist movie by a long shot, but I don't think every movie needs to be. What I do firmly believe that every movie has to be fair women. I agree wholeheartedly that there is a lack of stories about women, made by women and that have messages that empower women (that's why I started this blog). But just because this movie isn't about a woman doesn't mean that it isn't a powerful story that is worth telling. The message I took away from the film, that I think everyone can relate to, was all about denial. Matt is constantly trying to ignore his problems rather than face a conflict, which leads to some catastrophic events in his life. This movie was a charming and original way to show people's tendency to avoid the hard issues in life. I found it touching and thoroughly enjoyable. So go see it and tell me if you think I'm wrong!

And if I can't convince you...