#YesAllWomen Feelings

Hello! I know it's been a while. I've been working on more posts and there will be more to follow. I just wrote a Tumblr post that I feel compelled to boost on this blog as well. It regards my own experience with the #YesAllWomen movement. If you are unfamiliar with this hashtag it started after the shootings in Isla Vista in May, when a young man recorded a video blaming women for rejecting him and forcing him to violence. It struck a cord with man women, because the words this murderer was saying were words we'd heard in our daily lives during discussions of sexism, and these feelings were largely dismissed by men who claimed that "Not all men" were killers, rapists, misogynists, and sexists. It sparked a movement online, wherein women shared their experiences with harassment and misogyny and used the hashtag #YesAllWomen. Here is my contribution:

Over the past few months I have had several amazing friends share their experiences with sexual assault and harassment on facebook. Putting intimate details of their lives out there for all to see. Although on places like twitter and tumblr I saw these stories met with further harassment and dismissals, I had some optimism because the friends that chose to share on facebook were largely met with support and love from both male and females. I was glad that my friends had men in their lives that were listening and supporting them. Unfortunately, today I saw that trend disrupted. A friend shared her story on her facebook page and her boyfriend chimed in with a comment, stating that the media encourages both men and women to act inappropriately. He finished with, “End of story.”

It’s not the first time I’ve seen a comment of this nature in response to a woman sharing her experience of feeling constantly unsafe because of her gender, but it’s the first time I’ve seen it come from someone I know and (before today) liked. This was not a conversation about how the media negatively influences people, this was a conversation about someone we care about feeling unsafe and undervalued because of her gender. The proper response when a woman you care about shares her experiences of misogyny is not to dismiss it by saying, “Well, all people suck.” And MOST IMPORTANTLY, no man gets to say “END OF STORY” during a conversation about sexism. As long as all women continue to have these experiences, we retain the right to continue this discussion and feel the hell out of our feelings.

I have refrained from sharing my own #YesAllWomen story because, like many others, I don’t like talking about these experiences in a public medium. But I now feel I must follow the lead of my friends who I again thank and express my admiration for their bravery.

The first time I was sexually harassed was when I was 11-years-old. A man grabbed my ass in a bookstore. Before I entered high school I already had two friends who were victims of rape, I have since lost count of the number of friends I have that have been raped. I have been physically harassed in public places several times. I get shouted at, honked at, and verbally harassed nearly every time I leave my home. If I had a nickel for every time a man has called me a “cunt” or a “bitch” for not responding positively to their advances I would be a millionaire. I volunteered for a rape crisis center for women who had been sexually assaulted. I have held many women’s hands while they have been examined in the ER and interrogated by the police, and listened as they cry or yell about what has happened to them.

Misogyny and sexism are real and if you deny this reality you are absolutely part of the problem.